FInding Me

I am
Everything the filter lets pass
Mama made it stronger
Father made it fast
No one taught me not
To listen
Only said I 'ought to
Now my mind is piled up
High
I can't sift through to who
I am
The person I would be
Before I was taught to see
Today
I'm clearing out the skies
Till there is nothing
Of what some human left
Just me sitting
And being the way I ought to be
Not the way I was taught to be
Seeing the world
With no filter
Finding a way back to me

Can't let Go

I can't let go,
To this place,
That's as close as home,

I can't let go,
Of the love I've made,
To the strange emptiness,

I can't let go,
Of lessons learned,
To a seemingly clean slate,

I can't let go,
Of laughter held in every spot,
To a closed stern line,

I let go,
To be swept into the unknown,
But my heart,
Is still firmly held,
Onto the memories....

I'd kiss the sky blue
In hopes that you'd love me
Yet hope is not strong
To a man with no song
     So you leave me

And I wonder why I love
In a place so far gone
Where the shadows in the streets
     Fail to greet me

All I can do is travel within
Past where I've sinned
To stand on fair ground
This is where we meet
     and still you deceive me

I will never bow out
From loves inner fight
My hand remains open
My heart not yet closed
Here I wait
     In hopes you will look for me

Alive to Live

My friend
All that ails and weakens
I'll take and throw away
But first
Forgive your thoughts
That have invited such discourse
There is always time to heal
Forgiveness
Is a right turn 
Taken Immediately
Advantages from bowing out
Are instant
What binds you and burdens 
Your life
Is a facade
Built by the one who can take it down
You, yet sometimes
A mime needs to guide 
To show you how to make
Unconscious moves from tangles and blunders of the mind
Into smooth aqueous strides of saturated existence
All of life is yours
I'll show you
Some will say this is a miracle
How you have become clean
But we'll know it was
Just me showing you how
To be purely alive
Alive to live

Just You

I ride up and down
In these moments
These tracks built
By someone else
My past engineered them
Everyone invited
Has laid a little more

Sunset skies can't save me
Your light words won't help
Just hug me now
Kiss my cheek
Save me from my ride

Its helped that you are here
Even though I push you away
I don't enjoy the shove
The quiet silence
Of our thoughts or of our minds

I don't want silence so I can think
I want it so I will stop
Because in my silence
The ride loses momentum
So I can stand with you
With no floods of emotion
Just dry air

I will beg for the winds to blow
To take with it
All that takes me away from you

Because

Today is a new day
The sun convinced me to say
Today will be a long day
My madness reminded me of today
But with you
I will not fear
To ride this day alone

I dug a little deeper

Past the days you left behind

Tinkering with uncertainties

Of the pale and fluid sky

You saved a breath for me

I smiled a forward sigh

My heart knew of what I did need

But forgot to tell my mind

I will wait a little longer

Next to the showers and the cries

From a group of forgotten daisies

As we drown in your makeshift lies

I have known what you've always knew

What you tempted to leave behind

You would rather the past lead this dance

Than walk with me forward in time

A New Starting Line

When was the first time

I realized I could not fly?

When you told me so.

When was the first time

I was afraid to breathe?

When I realized

It could be done

Wrong!

When was the first time 

I realized mistakes became scars?

When you dug into my wounds

And made them deeper!

When was the first time

I felt that crying was a weakness?

Every time you yelled

To break me down

even smaller!

When was the first time

I saw the world as ugly?

When you pointed it out

And fed me your opinions!

Now I have realized that life

Is filled with firsts

And

You are no longer there

To make them my

Lasts 

Unless I choose them

to be.