Time and Space

There has been much time
Placed between then and now
And in this space
Flowers have grown
A path has been built
It encourages me to travel
As the flowers whisper,
"Your travels are beautiful
Your journey true
For you've finally become
The truest sense of you"

I travel freely
With no pain to bind
Because I finally have found
Some peace of mind

And all of the sorrow
That came from this time
Was not my reality
It was built by a mind

A mind I had built
with someone else's hands
A reality dreamt
From someone else's plans

I know have my own
Built on yellow and blue
And all the new things
In various hues

I'm spun around
Can't seem to hold
   on to you
You fall to the side

This romance I have with life
Is breaking me

I hold out my heart
Something for you
   to grab hold of
But you never open up
   to this chase

And I am left alone
   in this romance
I have with life
          
 Broken

Pain is not permanent!

FInding Me

I am
Everything the filter lets pass
Mama made it stronger
Father made it fast
No one taught me not
To listen
Only said I 'ought to
Now my mind is piled up
High
I can't sift through to who
I am
The person I would be
Before I was taught to see
Today
I'm clearing out the skies
Till there is nothing
Of what some human left
Just me sitting
And being the way I ought to be
Not the way I was taught to be
Seeing the world
With no filter
Finding a way back to me

Can't let Go

I can't let go,
To this place,
That's as close as home,

I can't let go,
Of the love I've made,
To the strange emptiness,

I can't let go,
Of lessons learned,
To a seemingly clean slate,

I can't let go,
Of laughter held in every spot,
To a closed stern line,

I let go,
To be swept into the unknown,
But my heart,
Is still firmly held,
Onto the memories....

I'd kiss the sky blue
In hopes that you'd love me
Yet hope is not strong
To a man with no song
     So you leave me

And I wonder why I love
In a place so far gone
Where the shadows in the streets
     Fail to greet me

All I can do is travel within
Past where I've sinned
To stand on fair ground
This is where we meet
     and still you deceive me

I will never bow out
From loves inner fight
My hand remains open
My heart not yet closed
Here I wait
     In hopes you will look for me

Alive to Live

My friend
All that ails and weakens
I'll take and throw away
But first
Forgive your thoughts
That have invited such discourse
There is always time to heal
Forgiveness
Is a right turn 
Taken Immediately
Advantages from bowing out
Are instant
What binds you and burdens 
Your life
Is a facade
Built by the one who can take it down
You, yet sometimes
A mime needs to guide 
To show you how to make
Unconscious moves from tangles and blunders of the mind
Into smooth aqueous strides of saturated existence
All of life is yours
I'll show you
Some will say this is a miracle
How you have become clean
But we'll know it was
Just me showing you how
To be purely alive
Alive to live

Just You

I ride up and down
In these moments
These tracks built
By someone else
My past engineered them
Everyone invited
Has laid a little more

Sunset skies can't save me
Your light words won't help
Just hug me now
Kiss my cheek
Save me from my ride

Its helped that you are here
Even though I push you away
I don't enjoy the shove
The quiet silence
Of our thoughts or of our minds

I don't want silence so I can think
I want it so I will stop
Because in my silence
The ride loses momentum
So I can stand with you
With no floods of emotion
Just dry air

I will beg for the winds to blow
To take with it
All that takes me away from you

Because

Today is a new day
The sun convinced me to say
Today will be a long day
My madness reminded me of today
But with you
I will not fear
To ride this day alone

I dug a little deeper

Past the days you left behind

Tinkering with uncertainties

Of the pale and fluid sky

You saved a breath for me

I smiled a forward sigh

My heart knew of what I did need

But forgot to tell my mind

I will wait a little longer

Next to the showers and the cries

From a group of forgotten daisies

As we drown in your makeshift lies

I have known what you've always knew

What you tempted to leave behind

You would rather the past lead this dance

Than walk with me forward in time

A New Starting Line

When was the first time

I realized I could not fly?

When you told me so.

When was the first time

I was afraid to breathe?

When I realized

It could be done

Wrong!

When was the first time 

I realized mistakes became scars?

When you dug into my wounds

And made them deeper!

When was the first time

I felt that crying was a weakness?

Every time you yelled

To break me down

even smaller!

When was the first time

I saw the world as ugly?

When you pointed it out

And fed me your opinions!

Now I have realized that life

Is filled with firsts

And

You are no longer there

To make them my

Lasts 

Unless I choose them

to be.

Does the soul know of age

Does it beg to rest its head

Does it ache for flight 

From the stillness of my bed

Can it breathe in such confinement

Under the pressure of my will

Does it have the patience of thought

To know it can not rise until

It has taught me all it knows

Forced me to see all that is

Awakened me from the stillness of life

Showed me this is not mine nor either is it his

It has been brought to heart

As it ran through my mind

This life is not mine nor yours

It belongs to mother time

All that she has asked

Is for us to teach a few

And that living a selfless life

Will keep you from consuming you

A Chance

I would bleed

If I were alive

If this pain

Was real

Yet bleeding may not be 

The release I need

So full

This body is full of regret

Regret for not living

The life my heart would suggest

SO, I stand

In this shell, dead to my world

It was me to blame

all this time

My weakness allowed them 

to point me the way

The way I should be

When all along

I needed to go nowhere

The answers were whispers inside

My meek voice 

feared gaining volume 

For if heard

it may be hushed

Now it is time to listen

and hope

That it has not been

eternally deafened by regret

I am buried in the cemetery of the living

Watching mournfully

As I lose out waiting

Waiting for a cause

To match these effects

I am dying in the

Cemetery of the living

He walks by with

A cold breath at his side

The flower has died

Wondering where I lie

Its hard for a heart to beat

When your surrounded by graves

Graves holding the living

That little girl passed

The one I once was and

She kicked the dirt of my grave

And smiled

Told me I had a choice

To rise and play

Or remain the same

Dying in the cemetery

Of the living

Coincidence stood by

Forcefully shedding a tear

But Shrugged his shoulders

He had shown up, pointing the way,

So many times

But I forgot how to listen

Slowly I sank into my grave

Where I am now living

Living so still in this shallow shell of mine

My soul rose up

Bored of my demise

And decided to join the life of the living

I am here empty where most

Lifeless souls do die

But I beg

Pull me up

Push me out

Into the world of the living

Because I would rather die living

A Life Lived Terminally

Life
Being love
Is Destroyed by allowance
Which begins with the struggle
As it is kept closed
In secret
Deceived and cold
When released
Reborn into battle
Now open
Yet bound by spite
Enters masked
Expected to avenge ghosts
Too weak
Weak from excessive
Impotent
Rapture
To its end
Lost Now
Led here by neglect
To the valley
of
Lost Love

Farewell

My opinions aren't that bitter
A son said to his dad.
Patience applied over your conclusions
Will make it sweeter as to where I stand
But you sneek in the quick sand
And revel in my decline
The moment I was conceived
Is when your forethought cemented in mind
So, It seems it has always been
Of those with less worry for wear
Could not possibly have a breath
Worthy of your ear to bear
I say these last few words
As I clentch a hope in mind
That part of what I speak
Will find its way to you in time
"The make up of who you are not
Is pulled by who you are to be
And with a bit of momentum
Your acceptance may finally see
I am who I am
I am who I think up to be
Every part of who I am
Changes with the hate you push in me
So as the day now closes
And the night relinquishes too
I will no longer be drawn down
By the dissappointments projected from you"

Hoping for More

How can the day

Ever 

Give you

Anything

When you wake up thinking

"I do not want!"

How can the night

Ever

Replenish your 

Hopes

When you fall asleep 

Wishing

"Why couldn't the day have..?"

Both night and day

Work with such a palette

Painting your picture

With black

     and white

Giving you

Exactly

What you wished for,

Nothing!

Thank you
You are more than I know
More than you know
And one day
Maybe tomorrow
You will smile
Seeing that I am right
Feeling
What I have known
All along
What you have been
All along
Amazing!

The Beggar

As it so often does happen

         The day forced its way

Onto the beggar

         Enriching his pay

He asked not of the sun

         How much he may keep

Yet he threatened its life

         As it retreated to leave:

“How dare you tempt us

With the beauty of light

Then forgo us this privilege

As you relinquish to night”

The sun continued its smile

         Onto the face of his shame

Knowing that not man

         But ignorance is to blame

The sun drenched Earth

         With its much needed rest

Bowed to the sun

         For doing its best

The beggar, the fool,

         Screamed out at its withdrawal

Claiming the sun a coward

         As it welcomed its own fall

As day said good night

         The sun added a plea:

“Make peace with the night

         For clarity to ring”

The sun knows that darkness

         Saves man by binding his will

Of living through a gilded sense        

         Of a visional thrill

The beggar so deaf

         And orally blind

Heard nothing of the sun

         As night took hold of his mind

Soon the earth began its rest

         The wind took its own lead

And began to fill the night’s silence

         With healing whispers of need

Birds calm in nests

         Trusting trees to hold them tight

Butterflies wings rest

         In the stillness of night

The grass of the earth

         Swayed to the beat

Emanating renewal

         Beneath the beggars abandoned feet

The wind encircled his thoughts

         And carried them free

Allowing the beggar

         To feel without need

His body let go

         On the hold within itself

His senses flew beyond

         His skeptical shelf

As silence drenched

         His once polluted mind

He began to feel with purity

         For the very first time

So the beggar has learned

         Or noted at best

The mind should be given

         A much needed rest

For although light spills its beauty

         It can also flood the mind

With polluted perceptions

         Of an ignorant mind        

He vowed to walk in light

         Closing his windows of deceit

And reclaim his adventure

         Befriending his once neglected feet

He began to walk the Earth

         Never asking for more

Using his mind less

         And never again feeling poor