I'm spun around
Can't seem to hold
   on to you
You fall to the side

This romance I have with life
Is breaking me

I hold out my heart
Something for you
   to grab hold of
But you never open up
   to this chase

And I am left alone
   in this romance
I have with life
          
 Broken

Pain is not permanent!

FInding Me

I am
Everything the filter lets pass
Mama made it stronger
Father made it fast
No one taught me not
To listen
Only said I 'ought to
Now my mind is piled up
High
I can't sift through to who
I am
The person I would be
Before I was taught to see
Today
I'm clearing out the skies
Till there is nothing
Of what some human left
Just me sitting
And being the way I ought to be
Not the way I was taught to be
Seeing the world
With no filter
Finding a way back to me

Can't let Go

I can't let go,
To this place,
That's as close as home,

I can't let go,
Of the love I've made,
To the strange emptiness,

I can't let go,
Of lessons learned,
To a seemingly clean slate,

I can't let go,
Of laughter held in every spot,
To a closed stern line,

I let go,
To be swept into the unknown,
But my heart,
Is still firmly held,
Onto the memories....

I'd kiss the sky blue
In hopes that you'd love me
Yet hope is not strong
To a man with no song
     So you leave me

And I wonder why I love
In a place so far gone
Where the shadows in the streets
     Fail to greet me

All I can do is travel within
Past where I've sinned
To stand on fair ground
This is where we meet
     and still you deceive me

I will never bow out
From loves inner fight
My hand remains open
My heart not yet closed
Here I wait
     In hopes you will look for me

Alive to Live

My friend
All that ails and weakens
I'll take and throw away
But first
Forgive your thoughts
That have invited such discourse
There is always time to heal
Forgiveness
Is a right turn 
Taken Immediately
Advantages from bowing out
Are instant
What binds you and burdens 
Your life
Is a facade
Built by the one who can take it down
You, yet sometimes
A mime needs to guide 
To show you how to make
Unconscious moves from tangles and blunders of the mind
Into smooth aqueous strides of saturated existence
All of life is yours
I'll show you
Some will say this is a miracle
How you have become clean
But we'll know it was
Just me showing you how
To be purely alive
Alive to live

Just You

I ride up and down
In these moments
These tracks built
By someone else
My past engineered them
Everyone invited
Has laid a little more

Sunset skies can't save me
Your light words won't help
Just hug me now
Kiss my cheek
Save me from my ride

Its helped that you are here
Even though I push you away
I don't enjoy the shove
The quiet silence
Of our thoughts or of our minds

I don't want silence so I can think
I want it so I will stop
Because in my silence
The ride loses momentum
So I can stand with you
With no floods of emotion
Just dry air

I will beg for the winds to blow
To take with it
All that takes me away from you

Because

Today is a new day
The sun convinced me to say
Today will be a long day
My madness reminded me of today
But with you
I will not fear
To ride this day alone

I dug a little deeper

Past the days you left behind

Tinkering with uncertainties

Of the pale and fluid sky

You saved a breath for me

I smiled a forward sigh

My heart knew of what I did need

But forgot to tell my mind

I will wait a little longer

Next to the showers and the cries

From a group of forgotten daisies

As we drown in your makeshift lies

I have known what you've always knew

What you tempted to leave behind

You would rather the past lead this dance

Than walk with me forward in time

A New Starting Line

When was the first time

I realized I could not fly?

When you told me so.

When was the first time

I was afraid to breathe?

When I realized

It could be done

Wrong!

When was the first time 

I realized mistakes became scars?

When you dug into my wounds

And made them deeper!

When was the first time

I felt that crying was a weakness?

Every time you yelled

To break me down

even smaller!

When was the first time

I saw the world as ugly?

When you pointed it out

And fed me your opinions!

Now I have realized that life

Is filled with firsts

And

You are no longer there

To make them my

Lasts 

Unless I choose them

to be.

Does the soul know of age

Does it beg to rest its head

Does it ache for flight 

From the stillness of my bed

Can it breathe in such confinement

Under the pressure of my will

Does it have the patience of thought

To know it can not rise until

It has taught me all it knows

Forced me to see all that is

Awakened me from the stillness of life

Showed me this is not mine nor either is it his

It has been brought to heart

As it ran through my mind

This life is not mine nor yours

It belongs to mother time

All that she has asked

Is for us to teach a few

And that living a selfless life

Will keep you from consuming you

A Chance

I would bleed

If I were alive

If this pain

Was real

Yet bleeding may not be 

The release I need

So full

This body is full of regret

Regret for not living

The life my heart would suggest

SO, I stand

In this shell, dead to my world

It was me to blame

all this time

My weakness allowed them 

to point me the way

The way I should be

When all along

I needed to go nowhere

The answers were whispers inside

My meek voice 

feared gaining volume 

For if heard

it may be hushed

Now it is time to listen

and hope

That it has not been

eternally deafened by regret

I am buried in the cemetery of the living

Watching mournfully

As I lose out waiting

Waiting for a cause

To match these effects

I am dying in the

Cemetery of the living

He walks by with

A cold breath at his side

The flower has died

Wondering where I lie

Its hard for a heart to beat

When your surrounded by graves

Graves holding the living

That little girl passed

The one I once was and

She kicked the dirt of my grave

And smiled

Told me I had a choice

To rise and play

Or remain the same

Dying in the cemetery

Of the living

Coincidence stood by

Forcefully shedding a tear

But Shrugged his shoulders

He had shown up, pointing the way,

So many times

But I forgot how to listen

Slowly I sank into my grave

Where I am now living

Living so still in this shallow shell of mine

My soul rose up

Bored of my demise

And decided to join the life of the living

I am here empty where most

Lifeless souls do die

But I beg

Pull me up

Push me out

Into the world of the living

Because I would rather die living

A Life Lived Terminally

Life
Being love
Is Destroyed by allowance
Which begins with the struggle
As it is kept closed
In secret
Deceived and cold
When released
Reborn into battle
Now open
Yet bound by spite
Enters masked
Expected to avenge ghosts
Too weak
Weak from excessive
Impotent
Rapture
To its end
Lost Now
Led here by neglect
To the valley
of
Lost Love